The Society for Intercultural Education, Training and Research - Houston
page 6
To submit an articles of Intercultural Interest, please contact Andrea Brooks.
It is easier to work with apparent cultural differences than with those which don't appear to be cultural differences. Lacking knowledge of real but invisible cultural barriers, we tend to judge harshly "those people" who do not behave as expected. This article will examine the pervasive U.S. value on doing. This is a fundamental U.S. mainstream value, which sets our culture apart from many others and is the basis of many misconceptions.
There is no doubt that the mainstream U.S. culture is a doing culture. Experts call this doing our activity orientation. Have you ever noticed how people greet each other here? "How are you doing?" is a common greeting. I never heard of this greeting before coming to this country. In Pakistan, I grew up with "How are you?" and "How is the family?" In the U.S., it appears, one is not concerned so much with how you are feeling as much as with what you have achieved. To mainstream Americans, the concepts might be synonymous because we often draw our self worth from what we do, not from who we are in a broader sense.
What is a doing culture? In a doing culture, people stay busy. They run everywhere trying to do things. They don't appear to be satisfied with what they have. They don't appear to be relaxed. It seems as if they don't particularly enjoy life. In a doing culture, people love to share with each other the fact that they are extremely busy and have no time. A visitor from India observed:
"Americans seem to be in a perpetual hurry. Just watch the way they walk down the street. They never allow themselves the leisure to enjoy life; there are too many things to do."1
It appears that relaxing and enjoying life are reserved for vacations only. Here again, sometimes that doing nature takes over. So much is planned that while vacationing the family is still frantically moving from one place to another. Our biggest holiday, Christmas, should not be confused with a time for relaxing and enjoying life. Instead just the opposite is true. The media continuously advises Americans to take special precautions to reduce stress during the Holiday season!
Of course, here and there you do hear people talking about the famous poem where the old woman says, "Next time I would pick more daisies." However that sentiment is reserved for reading, and not seriously considered as a call to inaction. The doing culture is action-packed and task-oriented. People who are not busy are supposed to feel guilty and wish that they could be busy like others. (And then have the right to complain about it, of course.)
Mainstream Americans have a strong bias towards acting vs. talking. For instance, there was the reaction of my wife the first time she visited Pakistan. During the first week of our stay, we spent all our time with the family, catching up on things. We talked and talked. Like Mexicans, Arabs, and Asian Indians, Pakistanis also love to talk. My wife made a comment. "I feel like a prisoner in this house. I haven't left here since we arrived a week ago. We just sit around talking and doing nothing." The funny thing is that I consider talking a real activity and hadn't felt the desire to "do" anything else.
A couple who recently returned from an overseas assignment in France shared this story with me. When they first got to France, they did not like French restaurants. The problem was that the service was extremely slow. The waiter arrived, gave them drinks, and then disappeared for hours. There whole evening got wasted just by eating out. (Americans are fully capable of eating a whole meal while just driving to work.) As time passed, though, the couple got used to the slow pace. As matter of fact they started really enjoying it. When they returned from their overseas assignment, a reverse culture shock awaited them. They got upset with American restaurants. Their comment was, "These servers don't even let you enjoy the evening. They are there every five minutes asking you if they can bring you something else. It is like they want to you to vacate the table so they can quickly fill it again and make more money." I guess acculturation to another culture has its price.
I remember driving home with my wife and young children after an action-packed fun Saturday. My wife and I were exhausted. When we got close to home, the youngest asked, "What are we going to do when we get home?" I was the eldest of seven children. I know my brothers and sisters were not like that. It has to be cultural. I guess, we are preparing our children to function as sane human beings in this insanely busy culture.
Sometimes this doing orientation has some strange implications. Here in the mainstream U.S. culture, there is a belief that men come programmed with genes that tell them how to fix everything around the house. My wife sure had a big surprise. She just could not believe that I didn't know how to fix everything. She stated that her father and brothers were capable of fixing most items around the house. On the other hand, I grew up with the notion that painting walls or fixing a fence is a menial job. We leave that activity to a low-status worker, and we men talk and relax when we get home!
After one of my cultural diversity programs, a retired oil company manager told me about his foreign assignment in Malaysia. He said that after settling in, he bought a lawn mower. He was mowing his lawn when his Malaysian neighbor came to him and said, "You just can't do that here. There are people who mow lawns. A person of your status should not be mowing the lawn!"
Don't get me wrong. Many foreign visitors also admire this American handyman emphasis. A visitor from Vietnam commented:
"Americans are handy people (even the women). They do almost everything in the house by themselves, from painting walls and doors to putting glass in their windows. Most of the them showed me the pretty tables and bookshelves they had made by themselves in their spare time."2
This doing culture is even part of popular songs. One day, I was listening to the radio in Houston's rush-hour traffic when the song "I'm Your Handyman" by James Taylor came on. I am sorry to say this but songs are a lot more romantic in Pakistan. For example, a common sentiment is "I will wait for you until I die." (i.e. I am not going to move or do something about our separation.) Here James Taylor is saying "I am your handyman. I fix broken hearts. Twenty four hours a day." I guess he is just like the 24-hour plumber.
There are highly-paid motivational and inspirational speakers everywhere in this country. If people are not already busy enough, they can become even busier by adding just a few more goals, objectives and dreams to their life's agenda. With a mainstream American's idea of death being optional, we can all aspire to die with our boots on.3
OK. So this is how things are here. This is how we live. Where is the surprise? Well it comes as an unwelcome surprise to many that the whole world has not bought into the value of doing. Asians, Africans, South Americans, Mexicans, Arabs, and Asian Indians, for example, are known for having being cultures. The being cultures are described as steady, rhythmic and non-compulsive. People in being cultures don't feel the pressure to do something all the time. The being cultures are more people-oriented. People in being cultures use relationships instead of activities to hold their self-image together. Notice these proverbs from other cultures:
Life is a dance not a race.4 Irish
Even if it is a stone bridge make sure it is safe.5 Korean
English does have the proverb slow and steady wins the race but it is not heard very often these days.
How do mainstream Americans view people from being cultures? To mainstream Americans, members of being cultures often appear lazy, and lacking in initiative and drive. Interestingly, many U.S. co-cultures also have their roots in being cultures. So we see these negatives labels attached to some co-cultures as well.
During a recent intercultural understanding workshop in Austin, Texas, I introduced seven hidden mainstream American values. Then I asked the participants to write which one of the seven values played the strongest part in their lives. Out of 27 responses, here is what I got on doing:
"American culture is a doing culture. I wish that this was not so. I feel isolated as an American with respect to this aspect because I have so much anxiety for the future. I have difficulty with nothingness.""My wife feels guilty on the weekend if she reads or just rests. She feels OK only if she is 'doing' something."
"This bothers me. I am becoming more of a 'being' person... being with not doing to... more silence, more intuition; less problem-solving, more listening."
"American culture is a doing culture. I feel bored when I don't have anything to do. I begin to feel depressed when I'm not doing anything."
"People who aren't doing something are considered dead weight - almost [a] non person. The pressures are great."
"It bothers me that so many people have their lives filled with doing stuff."
These comments sure show a strong realization that these participants live in a doing culture. There is also some regret as well.
So how can we bridge the gaps of understanding between doing and being cultures? We must recognize that the doing vs. being difference is cultural. When we realize that a "being" attitude is not a product of perceived laziness or lack of initiative, we can discard some of our negative value judgements. And maybe we can learn from others the value in picking some of those daisies.
1 Kohls, Robert L., & John M. Knight.
Developing Intercultural Awareness. Yarmouth, ME: Intercultural Press,
1994, 43.
2 Kohls, 45.
3 Walmsley, Jane, Brit-think, Ameri-think. New York, NY:
Viking Penguin Inc., 1987.
4 Samovar, Larry, & Richard Porter. Communication Between
Cultures. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Publishing Company, 1991, 113.
5 Samovar, 113.
By Syed and Joyce Zafar
"Syed Zafar, president of Cultural Diversity Group, pursues his passion of
promoting intercultural understanding through keynotes, workshops and a
newsletter. Syed, born and raised in Pakistan, lived in Saudia Arabia before
coming to the US. He has an MBA from the University of St. Thomas and a decade
of corporate work."
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